Okay, it’s been a while since I’ve written any posts here, and there have been many exciting developments, such as the legalization of same-sex marriage in 32 states now! Yes, there have been some set-backs, but we are definitely moving forward in the right direction.
So time to ‘pick up the pen” again, so to speak, because this is a particularly challenging time for all. I will be sharing information regarding spiritual development as well as political concerns. Just be cause we’re getting some rights doesn’t mean we’ve got our shit together!
So for those who have been following, I hope you are well. There have been lots of changes in my life during this “radio silence” and I’ll be sharing about those as we go along.
The top referring sites in 2010 were zimbio.com, msqueer.com, facebook.com, rpc.blogrolling.com, and en.wordpress.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for lawrence king, who killed jenny schecter, carl joseph walker-hoover, 11 year old, and suicide due to bullying.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
Graeme Taylor, a 14-year old student from Ann Arbor, Michigan, addressed the Howell School Board this past week with an eloquent and impassioned plea on behalf of a teacher who had been put on suspension without pay after ejecting students from his class for what he deemed to be anti-gay remarks.
Taylor’s remarks, which were not prepared, drew the attention of national media through a video first posted by a local news source that quickly went viral. No need to try to describe it, you can view here and you’ll get the picture. This young man is articulate, intelligent and confident in his extemporaneous address.
Here are some additional sources for the original story, and link to the video of his address:
Yesterday he was featured on The Ellen Show and gave her a run for her money while expressing how he has come to be accepting of his identity. Watch here:
By his own admission, Graeme Taylor survived a suicide attempt at the age of 9 years. But he has come back from the bullying that drove him to nearly end his life to becoming a strong advocate for self-acceptance, human rights and fairness.
Most people discount our young people, yet they are far more sophisticated and knowledgeable than we adults give them credit for. The world is smaller today, faster, and with the advent of the internet connecting people all around the globe, our youth are more informed and cognizant of the diversity of the Human Family, as well as critical issues of the day than I believe many of us were.
What impressed me most about this young man is how much he reminds me of the young people that grew up as part of my extended family. I’ve been privileged to work and travel with some extraordinary youth.
They were all home schooled and they accompanied their parents to many states and countries, participating in cross-cultural programs, and personal development presentations. The world was their classroom and their worldliness reflected that fact.
These young people were raised in an environment where Respect was paramount. Guided by the wisdom and experience a capable Elder, they were treated as capable individuals. They were raised to be responsible, i.e. to “respond with ability” to whatever they encountered. The adults who had the privilege to work with these young people learned a great deal about themselves in the process, their own upbringings, how to heal the past, and create a better present.
When children are raised with Respect, and provided the opportunity to realize their full potential at each step of their development, rather than being sheltered and denying their intelligence and creativity, they are fully capable of delivering a positive contribution to family, community and society at large.
Graeme Taylor is not atypical. When raised in an environment of acceptance and love, and given responsibility, young people will rise to the occasion. This 14 year old’s sexual identity isn’t really the issue here – it’s not the most important part of the story. The real heart of this story is how a young person can evolve into a courageous, forthright citizen when given the opportunity.
We need to encourage and listen to more young leaders like Graeme Taylor. Obviously one organization agreed, in that he was presented with a $10,000 Scholarship by Tonic.com, “a digital media company dedicated to promoting the good that happens around the world each day. We share the stories of people and organizations that are making a difference by inspiring good in themselves and others.”
We are at a crossroad as LGBTQ people. We are actively lobbying in the political arena for equal rights. We are also vocal in the socio-cultural arena “demanding” Respect.
We can March, we can Lobby, we can form non-profit Activist groups until we are blue in the face, BUT UNTIL WE ARE WILLING TO LIVE WHAT WE SAY WE WANT WE WILL GET NO-WHERE!
We cannot expect Respect from others when we are not willing to grant it within our own community. Or the Global Community at large. It is not acceptable for us to remain factionalized. We can’t march together for Pride then go off into our little click groups demeaning the others we just walked alongside demanding “Respect for Diversity.”
IF WE WANT CHANGE WE MUST BE THE CHANGE WE WANT!
So if you are a Lesbian and hating Gay Men, or Bisexuals or Transgendered Persons, IT DOESN’T WORK!
If you are a Gay Man who cuts down Lesbians, or Bisexuals or Transgendered Persons, IT DOESN’T WORK!
If you are a Bisexual or Transgendered Person who has made Lesbians or Gays or anyone else the enemy – IT DOESN’T WORK!
If we want to end Bullying we need to stop practicing it. That extends to our Straight Allies. (If we believe that we didn’t choose our sexual orientation then they didn’t either – so let’s not hold that against them!) 😉
I DON’T USUALLY SHOUT THIS MUCH IN THIS SPACE – but I’m tired of the HYPOCRISY.
We need massive change in society – American society in particular, which seems to be way behind the European and some other societies and cultures. If we are going to achieve that then we need to tear down the fences between ourselves as LGBTQ and TRULY live in Respect of one another. We have to heal our “Society” first.
I may not understand everyone’s orientation, any more than I understand everyone’s views or opinions or life experiences. But here’s what I know – I can RESPECT anyone. If I’m going to demand respect for my choices then I MUST be willing to respect those of others – whether or not I agree with or understand them.
Here’s a video that I found on YouTube since the “It Get’s Better” Project took off. It deals with someone within the LGBTQ community who is targeting Transgendered people. Please, let’s put this kind of crap to rest – For everyone’s sake. -MsQ
AWESOME Video put together for The Trevor Project and the It Gets Better Project. Thanks to all who made this video possible – you are amazing. Nuff said!
Please help share this video with as many people as you can! Help get this beautiful and powerful message out to our LGBTQ Youth! -Deb Adler
GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) has launched a “Wear Purple on October 20 for Spirit Day” Campaign on Facebook, Twitter and through its website:
to ask people to honor the recent LGBTQ teens who committed suicide and to End Anti-Gay Bullying.
Here are some of the suggested additional activities:
“ On Wednesday, post this tweet:I’m wearing purple to end anti-LGBT bullying – make your profile pic purple today #SpiritDay http://glaad.org/spiritday”
“On Wednesday, post this Facebook status:I’m wearing purple today to support LGBT youth – make your profile pic purple today for Spirit Day athttp://glaad.org/spiritday”
Please visithttp://www.glaad.org/spiritdayand support providing safe schools free from bullying for LGBTQ and all Youth!
This is re-published from YouTube channel SeanChapin1 | October 10, 2010
“Video montage of the “Stand Up To Youth Suicide” rally and candle light march in San Francisco on October 8, 2010, organized by Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons. Featuring speakers from The Trevor Project, GSA Network, Soulforce and more (including myself singing my original song “It Gets Better” as an homage to Dan Savage’s project).
“If you are an LGBT student and in need of help, the following organizations and projects are here to support you (if I am missing any, please contact me):”
The following teens committed suicide during the month of September due to bullying:
Billy Lucas (15) September 9, 2010. Indiana
Cody J. Barker (17) September 13, 2010. Wisconsin
Seth Walsh (13) September 19, 2010. California
Tyler Clementi (18) September 22, 2010. New Jersey
Asher Brown (13) September 23, 2010. Texas
Harrison Chase Brown (15) September, 25 2010. Colorado
Raymond Chase (19) September 29, 2010. Rhode Island
Felix Sacco (17) September 29, 2010. Massachusetts
Caleb Nolt (14) September 30, 2010. Indiana
It’s time for us to come together now in a united front to support safe schools and provide a loving and nurturing environment for ALL youth. These tragic deaths must end now. -Deb Adler
Here’s the video and the text from my submission to the “It Gets Better Project” on You Tube.
Hi. My name is Deb Adler. I’ve been out for about 40 years. I’m a singer-songwriter. I’ve been a professional actor, a businesswoman, an entrepreneur, and I‘m also the author of a blog called MsQueer.com.
I just wanted to share with you that whatever you’re experiencing today as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender youth in school…it does get better…
Whatever you might be feeling right now…it’s not “Forever” – and whatever you’re facing right now in terms of how other kids treat you at school – or even your family – it’s really just temporary. Just hang in there…it gets better.
I was this total tom-boy in grade school. They didn’t use labels like “Butch” – or “Dyke” then. I always played with the boys, I excelled in sports.
I didn’t really get harassed by my peers, but I had this fifth grade teacher who called my parents in for a conference because she felt they should be concerned that I wasn’t more “lady-like” and didn’t involve myself in more “girl-type” activities. My mom told her to back off and leave me alone – in no uncertain terms – which I think was pretty cool!
Even though I didn’t experience bullying in school, I can remember being really confused and scared by thoughts of wanting to lean over and kiss the girls in my class – as early as grade school – and feelings of attraction that I didn’t understand. I got really scared.
I thought I was sick or bad or something. I didn’t know. I mean, it’s not like there were celebrity role models – like Ellen or Rosie – around at that time. There were NO popular TV Shows or movies that dealt with being Queer. There was nobody I could talk to, so I had to keep this giant secret – that I didn’t understand and was afraid of – all to myself. All I knew was I was different, and I was pretty sure my “difference” wasn’t socially acceptable. I was convinced that if anyone found out the truth about me they’d haul me away and lock me up forever. So that’s what I lived with.
But I survived! And that’s the point. You can get through whatever you’re experiencing.
It Does gets Better.
I had thoughts of ending my life, but I’m really glad today that I didn’t! There are so many experiences I would have lost out on if I had ended my life as a teen.
In high school, I earned my school letter playing sports in Girl’s Athletic Association; I was elected President of that organization in my senior year, I was active in the Girl Scouts all through High School – and got teased for that – but we went camping and did cool stuff – we worked for three years and organized a week-long trip to Washington DC. – that the other kids didn’t get – and we had a blast!
I wrote songs, I sang in choirs; I even had the lead in the senior play, which was really kind of funny because I had to kiss a guy on stage in this big scene and that was really awkward! But I didn’t hide. I was active in school; I excelled at the things I loved. And that helped get me through.
I got to be a camp counselor and met some really great women – some of them are still friends today. If I had ended my life early, I would have missed out on all that, and so much more.
See when you don’t allow other people’s opinions of you to rule your life, they become powerless. If kids talked about me, I did my best to ignore it. I found friends and teachers who supported me and cared about me and that’s who I interacted with.
And It Does Get Better.
When I went away to college, I discovered this amazing book by Del Martin and Phyllis Lyons called Lesbian/Woman, and these ladies had it together. They had already been together as a couple for years -in the Fifties! – and their message was – We’re okay. I was so relieved to find out who I was and what I was about….I started writing “coming out” songs and singing at rallies and special events. I started accepting me. Once we accept and get to love ourselves…we find others who accept and love us.
I’ve been part of a global humanitarian volunteer organization for over twenty five years and I have friends –straight, gay, old, young – from all over the world who love and accept me for who I am. We’ve done some amazing things together helping others, building projects, cultural programs, traveling all over the States and Canada – that’s been so rewarding. I wouldn’t have missed a minute of it!
Bottom line – I’m okay – you’re okay, and We are okay GAY. – or Bi, or Trans – or however you call yourself.
So if you’re being bullied by kids in school, they’re just acting out their own ignorance. Don’t let someone else’s stupidity screw up your life. It gets better.
If someone’s harassing you on Facebook or Twitter – UNFRIEND them. You don’t have to put up with their crap! Don’t interact with the haters. Stay with the winners.
It gets better – I know being harassed isn’t fun and it can be really painful at times, even but you know what – I came through recovery from addiction over 30 years ago – one day at a time – sometimes one moment at a time, and if I can do it – you can do it.
Nothing is forever. There’s a better life waiting for you at the end of school.
If things get too overwhelming or you think there’s no one to talk to – there are resources out there – like The Trevor Project. That’s a 24/7 Nationwide Helpline for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning youth. Call them. There are compassionate understanding people at the other end of that phone line. Their number is 1-866-488-7386. Website is www.thetrevorproject.org
So just hang in there. It Does Get Better. You have gifts to give to this world – stick around! Learn to be proud of who you are. There’s a lot of life out there to live – and love.
I want to share with you a quote from a woman of both Native American and European heritage, known to many as an ambassador for peace, an advocate for human rights, and my spiritual mentor for over 25 years. Her name is Grandmother Parisha, and I’ve never met anyone more inclusive, more accepting than her. She’s had her own life’s challenges – here’s what she says:
“I am an old warrior, I have my scars, and I have counted my losses,
but I am stronger than ever and I am not running away,
I can’t count the times I’ve drawn on that. So today I’m here to say to you, It Definitely Gets Better. If that isn’t your experience right now, then draw from mine, and from the countless others making videos just like this one to share their experience and hope with you. Because we do know. It Gets Better.
You’re a good person, and You are loved. So stick around. There are great things out there in the world waiting for you – just around the corner. Hang in there.
It gets Better, and Better, and Better – Guaranteed!
There is a new video project on YouTube that I found through Facebook via The Trevor Project and GLSEN posts – how’s THAT for Social Networking!
So here’s the deal (directly from the description on YT): “If you’re gay or lesbian or bi or trans, and you’ve ever read about a kid like Billy Lucas and thought, “Fuck, I wish I could’ve told him that it gets better,” this is your chance. We can’t help Billy, but there are lots of other Billys out there—other despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don’t think they have a future—and we can help them….”
I just read about a gay teenager in Indiana—Billy Lucas—who killed himself after being taunted by his classmates. Now his Facebook memorial page is being defaced by people posting homophobic comments. It’s just heartbreaking and sickening. What the hell can we do?
Gay Bullying Victim Who Survived
Another gay teenager in another small town has killed himself—hope you’re pleased with yourselves, Tony Perkins and all the other “Christians” out there who oppose anti-bullying programs (and give actual Christians a bad name).
Billy Lucas was just 15 when he hanged himself in a barn on his grandmother’s property. He reportedly endured intense bullying at the hands of his classmates—classmates who called him a fag and told him to kill himself. His mother found his body.
Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer kids.
“My heart breaks for the pain and torment you went through, Billy Lucas,” a reader wrote after I posted about Billy Lucas to my blog. “I wish I could have told you that things get better.”
I had the same reaction: I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.
But gay adults aren’t allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don’t bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.
Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don’t have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.
So here’s what you can do, GBVWS: Make a video. Tell them it gets better.
I’ve launched a channel on YouTube—www .youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject—to host these videos. My normally camera-shy husband and I already posted one. We both went to Christian schools and we were both bullied—he had it a lot worse than I did—and we are living proof that it gets better. We don’t dwell too much on the past. Instead, we talk mostly about all the meaningful things in our lives now—our families, our friends (gay andstraight), the places we’ve gone and things we’ve experienced—that we would’ve missed out on if we’d killed ourselves then.
“You gotta give ’em hope,” Harvey Milk said.
Today we have the power to give these kids hope. We have the tools to reach out to them and tell our stories and let them know that it does get better. Online support groups are great, GLSEN does amazing work, the Trevor Project is invaluable. But many LGBT youth can’t picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can’t imagine a future for themselves. So let’s show them what our lives are like, let’s show them what the future may hold in store for them.
The video my husband and I made is up now—all by itself. I’d like to add submissions from other gay and lesbian adults—singles and couples, with kids or without, established in careers or just starting out, urban and rural, of all races and religious backgrounds. (Go to www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject to find instructions for submitting your video.) If you’re gay or lesbian or bi or trans and you’ve ever read about a kid like Billy Lucas and thought, “Fuck, I wish I could’ve told him that it gets better,” this is your chance. We can’t help Billy, but there are lots of other Billys out there—other despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don’t think they have a future—and we can help them.
They need to know that it gets better. Submit a video. Give them hope.
So if you have a message you want to get through to our young people to give them hope for getting through their school experience, get a YouTube account and submit your video! -MsQueer
All the opinions expressed in any articles, blog posts and Internet content written by me are my own and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of any individuals or organizations with whom I associate.
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